I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
