Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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