So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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