I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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