i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
