I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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