question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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