Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
