uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This girl is more easily done than said...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
