he wants to bone in the snuggie
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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