I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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