I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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