That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
