Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
