Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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