I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize