Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
