Umm I'm too high to move.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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