Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
