just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
