I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
