YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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