I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
