Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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