mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
