perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
