Do you still have your period?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
