we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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