ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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