Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
