I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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