My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
