sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
