so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
