Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize