Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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