I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
