cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
