So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
