if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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