You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
