You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
