so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
