Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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