More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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