I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
