my vag is so smooth its legendary
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i will never coherently bang her
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
