I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize