If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You took a bar mat shot.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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