super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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