I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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