Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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