so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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