That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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