I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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