While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
