my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it's like iHOP with fire
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
