I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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