Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
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