Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
