In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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