I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
