Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
