he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
