Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Alive.
So much puke
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
