8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish you could order shots online.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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