I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
