youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
