If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
