I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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