My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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