my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
