put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
