So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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