Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
