Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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