oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
