apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
