I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize