Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
