How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
