Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
