Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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