based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
