when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
