She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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