I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
