I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
